news late last night of the earthquake in California yesterday made me a little nervous for members of the clan out that way, but so far everyone i've heard from is fine. Aunt Anna missed feeling the jolt–like most Californians she was in her car at the time. my brother Thomas thought he was getting sick. Affable Dan had a brilliant response to his first earthquake–"I love new experiences!"—that's what i love about that kid, his endless enthusiasm.
-
a number of years ago i was living in Madison, Wisconsin, going to night art school and working as a personal banker (glorified teller). it was a crystal cold winter, the trees sparkling with ice, fields brown and bare, charming red barns visible just behind my beige-box post-divorce apartment complex. my first year out of retail in what felt like a decade, i was blessed with my own personal Christmas miracle–two days off for the holiday AND a rumored holiday bonus. talk of the bonus was rampant between branches–would it be bigger than last year? would it be cash? would it be a percentage of salary? after weeks of drooling anticipation (and count the chickens before they hatch over-spending), the day finally arrived. Joe the Money Guy (he delivered the actual bags of cash and coin in a Brinks truck as well as inter-branch mail and paychecks, he was beloved) rolled his handcart into the lobby.
loaded with hams. hams. of the 20 pound variety.
what the hell can a single girl do with twenty pounds of honey-baked ham? i was driving into Chicago for Christmas with the family. well, i'll just bring it with me for the family. maybe they can find a use for it. there are lots of them. they eat.
my dependable econo-box loaded with gifts, sandbags and the ham, i headed out in the morning freeze. three or four miles into the three hour journey, the roll-thud-roll-smack-thud of a ham on the loose in the back seat was more than i could bear. it wasn't keeping time with Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer on the radio. so, i put The Ham in the empty front passenger seat and strapped it in (safety first!). by Waukegan it was turning into a 'Wilson' and Tom Hanks in Castaway moment. the bemused toll booth operators were very accomodating. no extra charge for the ham.
i gave The Ham to Grandma Mickey, she of the Depression-era eating and feeding habits. she made good use of it i hear–the entire neighborhood was sussed for ham sandwiches well into the spring thaw.
she sent me a check a week later for $20. on the memo line: 'Christmas Bonus'. -
this just in from RyDog, who confesses that despite all, he misses Savannah…
Savannah Beauty Queen Shoots Boyfriend and the
Miss Murdering Savannah update.
i remember watching the news when i first arrived and noting that there were more murders (reported at the END of the evening news) in my first week there than in the entire five years i had lived in Madison. -
i've been working on my resume (cv) this month and have come to realize that i've spent far, far too much of my life in retail and it's time NOT to return. how to jazz up the qualifications? after a little research and help from sis, it's looking like i'm actually quite highly qualified in—
Cash Management (making change)
Inventory control (counting how much stuff has been pilfered by staff)
Purchasing ("Ok, that's 2 Big Macs, 1 McFish, three Diet Cokes…")
Research and Development (reading magazines)
Data Archiving (that's a beautiful way of saying Filing)
Customer Relations (not as sexy as it sounds)
Telephone Reception ("Yello. Nope, closed on Sundays. Sorry.")
Marketing (sticking flyers on windshields in the parking lot)
Shipping and Receiving (unpacking boxes)
Staff Supervision (telling other people to unpack boxes)
Scheduling (telling other people when to unpack boxes)
Merchandising and Display (putting stuff from boxes on shelves)
Refuse Management (taking out the trash and empty boxes)
well, lucky me. -
Antibes (Abstracted), acrylic on paper, 22" x 16.5"
i keep painting things that that look better when viewed from the side. have i developed a periphial-vision specialty? -
in a desperate attempt to find something to watch other than CNN or ITV News, i spent a few annoying minutes clicking through every single satelite channel, noting the ones that actually had reception. (the satelite dish is too low to get a proper signal and some other problem i'm not up on has severely limited the English-language television channels available). i've found the religious stations (3), the Spanish station, the shopping channels (18!), the Motor channel, the Travel station, more news stations (2) and …(drum roll)..Reality TV. Reality TV has a line-up of shows with names like Inferno!, Rescue 911 (remember that one?), Disaster!, The Tube, Surf Crazy and What Went Wrong?. what was i thinking watching edu-snobby, good-for-you-like-cauliflower-even-though-it-tastes-like-feet PBS all those years? now this is quality programming! gotta run…Cheaters is on.
p.s. yes, yes, i know i should be watching French tv for the practice, but sometimes it hurts my brain. -
Duncan left behind vast quantities of meat in the freezer. now, i'm more of a pasta and salad person at home, preferring to let the professionals handle the subtlities of 'medium' vs. 'medium rare'. but i'm also on a budget, and looking into the cold box i see in my mind that standard-yellow $25 check Grandma Mickey sent me one cold, poverty-stricken student-era Christmas–on the memo line: "buy meat". the guilt is overwhelming–i can't let all this cello-wrapped, portion-divided frozen meat go to waste. so, the adventure begins. recipe: defrost on radiator, shoo dog and cat away from radiator, unwrap, pop in world's-smallest counter top oven and wait to see what comes out! i'm sure that last night's was chicken–very nice with pasta. i'm fairly certain that tonight's was lamb. i think. anyway, it was very nice with salad. tomorrow looks to be…well, we'll see, won't we?
FYI: the radiator de-frost was Duncan's method, highly UN-recommended if you want to avoid death by salmonilla (thanks Maria)–i'm sticking to the safer day-ahead-of-time refrig. method these days. -
let's see, what shall i put on my Christmas list?
1) one skin cream that actually DOES what it says it does (for that jolly red glow)
2) a cure for fear of heights, speed and sporting equipment (St. Nick must have mastered all that on the sleigh, right?)
3) a washing machine (don't ask)
4) pair of chocolate brown leather boots, of the "Leave 'em on baby" variety (sometimes i am a naughty girl)
5) a sibling translating dictionary (for all those "What EXACTLY did she MEAN by that?" moments)
6) a Boy of my very own (preferably not of the elf variety)
7) a job (complete with wages; making toys would be ok)
8) an isight for everyone i know and love (Santa's up on the techie stuff, yeah?)
9) nicotine patches in fashion colors (for those long haul flights)
10) a painting patron (aka: 'sugar daddy'–in combo with item 6 certainly ok) -
it's happy home-making week for the Mikkelsen Kids–my temporary roomie Duncan went off to his new life and wife in Australia this week leaving the Cannes apt. all to myself (!) and my brother Thomas moved into his own place in LA after more than a few weeks living with a friend-of-the-family (aka: weird stranger). poor kid has not a stick of furniture (how can that be in this family?!?) but he's got a balcony for enjoying the California sunshine. i have sponge-elbow from days and days of serious cleaning, but the results are lovely! though it's a temporary thing, i'm finally feeling like i actually have a homey space of my own. this has been a great year, but i'm getting too old for the living-out-of-a-suitcase thing. i'm too domestic at heart–i need my co-ordinated linens, designer broom and professional toaster. and a coat rack! my kingdom for a coat rack! don't laugh. -
there seems to be a general concensus that if you are at a loss as to what to give someone for Christmas, the best option is to find an item (the more useless the better, a knick knack in need of frequent dusting is tops) that resembles and or pays homage to something they already own and enjoy. prime examples: Dogs (poor bastards that have pure breds), Cats (prime example: crystal kitty cat figurine from The Old Man for 21st birthday), unique Cars (vintage, pick up, VW Bug, Mini, etc), Boats (mom does not need sailboat tea towels, i promise you), Horses, Cabin. or if they have a hobby–nothing beats a fridge magnet about their favorite pastime: Sewing, Painting (love that little painting palette notepad circa 1992), Fishing, Golf, etc.
i'd say these gift items should be made illegal and dumped en masse into the Atlantic, but then what would the people of Hong Kong and Taiwan do?
when in doubt, just send a card. really, it's the thought that counts. besides, i can't see to find my fridge handle anymore.
