girl at large

18) Clean out closet.
19) Clean out other closet.
20) Make trip to Goodwill.
21) Empty out ten years of old files. Reciepts, instruction booklets for appliances long gone, maps, clippings, etc. Shred. Shred. Shred.
22) Make week's supply of Crumble.
23) Wash, iron and rehang shower curtain and liner.
24) Bleach grout.
25) Bathe dog.
26) Clean all picture frames and glass.
27) Hang mirrors long forgotten in back of closet.
28) Clean computer keyboard (Q-tips!).

1) Vacuum the mattress.
2) Clean the plastic tracks of the sliding windows (Q-tips!).
3) Bleach the refrigerator.
4) Alphabetize the bookshelf.
5) Re-organize the bookshelf by topic instead.
6) Re-organize the bookshelf by color and size, within topics.
7) Wash, iron and re-hang all the curtains.
8) Snip each pulled thread from the bathtowels.
9) Undo twenty rows of a scarf-in-progress.
10) Examine pores.
11) Make elaborate four course meals.
12) Calculate the price differences for tv, internet and phone services from the phone company vs. cable company. Call both, get best offers. Calculate savings vs. benefits, over a year. Change phone service, add DVR and internet to Cable plan.
13) Hand wash, dry, fold and put winter sweaters into sweater bags, complete with cedar chip, for the season.
14) Switch to all padded hangers.
15) Clean baseboards.
16) Magic Eraser the fireplace surround.
17) Update tetanus shot.

Caffeine, out. Cigarettes, out. Salt, out.
They may get those vices, but I'll be damned if I'll give up my beer. They'll have to pry the bottle out of my cold, dead hand. I am from Wisconsin afterall.

I have insurance, and if I can be converted into LOVING my chiropractor, than how bad could therapy be?
We've been having Work Therapy at work. And it's, well, working. I LOVE our work therapist. I figure if it's helping that much at work, maybe I should consider some personal therapy. This is a more difficult decision to come to than you might think. For me, going to Therapy is not, as it seems to be for many, like popping into the corner Starbucks. My Latte does not come with a pump of Prozac.
You see, at one dark time in my life (ok, two dark times), I really NEEDED therapy. Serious therapy, and meds. Serious meds. It was a frightening, lonely experience. Being hospitalized for Crazy at a young age, unless you get a book contract, is not a point of pride. I've worked diligently to get the Crazy behind me, and continue working hard to keep it's tentacles at a safe distance.
So, admitting that I might need HELP to accomplish a few personal things is tough. In my mind, it's like admitting I need help to poop. It's just not done. Therapy is for serious Crazy, not Just-Kinda-Struggling-A-Little.
But, I'm coming around. Maybe a weekly chat with someone will help me focus on the things I want to change and/or improve. Maybe asking for HELP will not result in a long-term stay at Hotel Crazy.
Here are my complaints:
-The lack of sunshine and warm weather in Portland makes me suidical. (Ok, not literally, and I know I should rephrase this when speaking to a doctor.)
-I feel I'm entering my Angry Years. Everything, and everyone, pisses me off. And I get no satisfaction from my anger–I'm furious, everyone else sees "Silly Kate". Did you not just hear me say Fuck Off? Right, I never actually say that, I just very politely stew. Ok–I want to LEARN to say Fuck Off.
-My libido has died. I can't determine if my libido has died because I'm not getting any or if I'm not getting any because my libido has died. Memorial Services pending.
-I have problems with money. I don't have money problems, I have a problem with money.
-I want to make big changes in my life, and I wonder if I can or should. The issues above are all in the way of the changes I want to make–namely, I want a family. No libido, problems with money–kinda key issues if you want to make babies.
So, there it is. I have Therapy Orientation this afternoon, wish me luck! Maybe I'll learn to LOVE my therapist too.

I had a tooth dream last night. You know the type–one or more of your teeth fall out. They are very real feeling, and leave me feeling distressed when I wake up. The horrors of my dental experience this year elavate the distress. Let me share the saga, in a timeline:
November 2007: I call Kaiser Permanante, my health insurance plan/provider to make an appointment for an annual Cleaning. The first opening is in December. And that's only for an initial 'consultation'–no actual cleaning can take place without that first. Ok.
December 2007: The day before, I get a voicemail cancelling my appointment because the dentist won't be in. I call to reschedule, the next opening is in February. Ok.
February 2008: My consultation appointment reveals one large cavity and one small one. I knew about the large one. Hygenist: "Where is the cavity you said you can feel?" "Um, it's the gaping hole right there" "Oh, yes indeed!". Indeed. Absolutely nothing happens at this appointment–no cavity filling, no Cleaning. They schedule me for two appointments–in March. One of the appointments is to extract the remaining root of a wisdom tooth–that I can't feel, that doesn't bother me and that TWO previous dentists have just left alone.
March 2008: The wisdom tooth root is extracted–and in the process, the tooth next to it is CRACKED. Things you never want to hear in a dentist's chair: "Oops" Another hour and half in the chair to repair it and one of the cavities. Two months of chiropractic visits to get my tensed-up back corrected. Still, NO CLEANING.
April 2008: The second appointment, for the second cavity. This one actually goes quickly and painlessly–it's a tiny little cavity, didn't even need any novacaine. Hmm, couldn't they have done this during the last visit? Seriously, it took 6 minutes. Nope, no cleaning yet…wait for it…
April 2008: I get a voicemail cancelling my cleaning appointment because the hygenist is out sick. I call to reschedule–the next opening is at the end of May, at 7am.
May 2008: Woo-hoo! Cleaning day! I get in the chair, at last, before the sun even rises. The verdict? I'll need FOUR appointments to do all the cleaning required because it's been so long since I've been in. My favorite part–"Why haven't you been in sooner?" Really? You really want me to answer that?!?! The hygenist completes part one of the cleaning–a painful scraping with no visible results. I'm scheduled for the next available opening for round 2—-in AUGUST.
My brain starts a high-pitched squealing here. EEEEEEEEEEEE.