Living with Pat

“Here, take these underwear, they are too big for me.”

“Are you saying I’m fatter than you?”

“No, I just know they are too big for me.”

Lifts up enormous granny panties (or as she used to call them, nipple huggers). Paulie could wash the car with them.

“Mom! I don’t even wear these kind of underwear! I wear NICE underwear, I wear LACE underwear!” (Thank you France, and thank you Hanky Panky)

“I thought maybe, you know, period underwear!”

“You thought wrong. No.”

“But I don’t want them to go to waste.”

“Ok, let’s say I do want these, which pair did you try on?”

Looking at the opened pack of five: “Hmm, I don’t remember”

So Mom, suddenly a pillar of thrift, is asking me to play underwear roulette.