Category: Cancer
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It was a rough week, made rougher by interrupting a holiday. Though, honestly I didn’t mind the timing that much because my customers were also unavailable. That was one less thing I had to worry about. An empty inbox is very healing. Also very healing are all the wonderful, thoughtful, courageous people in our lives. Thank…
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Diagnosis (sort of) So, I was admitted for hypoxia and suspected congestive heart failure. My oxygen level was low and that troponin level (heart damage indicator) was high. On the second night I had an “attack” of pericarditis, an excruciating and frightening episode of extreme chills and intense chest pain, caused by inflammation of the…
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Within minutes at Urgent Care, we realized it wasn’t urgenty enough, so we zipped down the road to the Emergency Room. The secret to fast service? Chest pains and a Smurf-like complexion. My oxygen level was 76, my chest had a tire on it, the portable chest X-ray showed my lungs were full of fluid.…
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It started Saturday, I assume as a virus. Chills, fever, and an intense headache. Covid test negative. Then a strange stiff neck, like a vise. More fevers and chills, still Covid negative. Feeling a bit better on Sunday, ok this is just a cold or flu. Terrible body aches, but no cough and no congestion,…
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"You can beat this." No, I can’t. Nothing I do will change how the cancer acts or how I respond to the treatment. "You're so strong." No, I'm not. I'm just silent. If I gave voice to what I really feel, I'd physically and mentally crumble and I can't afford that. It's not strength, it's…
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Well, that was fast. I had a clear PET scan on August 24th, just a day before my prophylactic hysterectomy surgery. A week after surgery, when meeting to review my medication switch, my oncologist reviewed the scan results and used the word “remission”. It was the first time I felt truly hopeful and relaxed. I…
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Mom: “I finally figured it out! I finally realized why you got so into plants!” Me, and all my house plants around me in the corners, listening. Mom, enthusiastically: ”You were desperate to keep SOMETHING alive!” .. . Me: “You mean I was interested in being surrounded by living things?” Mom: “Oh, yes, that does…
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I had my chest revision surgery on Thursday. Some women are built so that the initial mastectomy surgery, if they go Flat, leaves a pleasing flat and smooth chest. Others, usually those built like me, are left with a moonscape of craters and lumps. Needing second surgery, usually a day surgery and relatively minor, isn’t…
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Me: I’m exhausted. I sleep all day and am still exhausted. Radiation Oncologist: Fatigue is normal after treatment. Me: I forget things, I can’t focus, I feel like a constant failure at work, I’m easily overwhelmed. Therapist: Try making lists. Me: My nails are still brittle and cracking down to the quick. Nurse: Oh nails are…
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Start painting again they said, it will be good for you they said. It will help your anxiety my therapist said. So far my accomplishments include spending the kids college funds on supplies, hiding off camera during video classes and defending my water bowl from Stevie the cat. A few sketches and paintings have worked…
girl at large 