girl at large

I like to write about life when you have a job, some kids, a fixer upper and a fatal disease.

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Category: the other pillow

  • This Is Not A Journey.

    I have breast cancer. It’s an aggressive type, fueled by my own hormones, and like a constellation it has traveled in a great arc from my breast to my sternum, out to my arm and up past my clavicle.  I won’t go in to the story of how I was diagnosed, why it wasn’t caught…

  • Crap Year, but Always a Quality Man

    I’m trying to convince Paul to be on time for this morning’s grocery store pick up appointment by just going in his pajamas. He won’t do it. “Paulie, have you seen how people dress here?! Even in your pajamas you have more buttons on right now than the average Wisconsin man at a wedding!” Happy…

  • Winning Parenthood

    Here is a photo of 3 1/2 year old Charlie painting the basement wall during quarantine to show that Paulie isn't always a softie. Paulie and I have long argued that he dotes on the kids too much. Of course, the other side of that argument is that I am Slacker Mom. Or Strict Mom.…

  • Dad Jokes

    Thanksgiving at the Osthoff, 2019. This is the first weekend away that we forgot to pack the stroller…and turns out we don’t need it. Another parenting milestone. Paulie has also reached a new level…a new level of Dadness. We treated ourselves to a couples massage. Me: “This will be fun, we’ve never done a “couple”…

  • Traffic and Weather Together on the 8s

    Charliepants: "Mama, can you put on your talking show?". Mama,smiling and thinking: See, all the NPR will pay off. Screw Paulie and his Arthur and his singalongs and his knowing all the names on Paw Patrol. Little kids DO like the things I like. I AM a fun mom. "Oh honey, do you like mama's…

  • Papa’s Day

    A little tidbit to share in honor of my kids papa whom I could not have done a better job selecting. (Yes, I turned that accolade right back to myself. Sorry not sorry I’m really proud of that accomplishment; ie: powering through my fertile thirties solo and happy). Me: “Thanks for picking up greek food,…

  • This Is Why We’re Married and I Love You

    I’m standing in a contraption that stretches my calf and foot to relieve the pain of my plantar fasciitis, stretching my arms up along the wall, wishing for help to pull the ache out. Me: ”Remember when they used to put people on the rack? Wouldn’t that feel good now?” Paulie: “And throw a little…

  • #imnotworthy

    Tonight is Charliepant’s first night in his big kid bed. While I was doing laundry or Facebooking or reading or something, Paulie made him his very own cardboard version of Bert & Ernie’s headboards. Because, as Charlie says: ERNIEBERT! ERNIEBERT! ERNIEBERT! (Also, as I write this, Viv is sitting next to his new bed reading…

  • What They See

    It’s been an exhausting few weeks. My community is in an uproar over the highschool production of To Kill A Mockingbird, which exposed the school’s ugly power dynamic, ineffective school board governance, and of course, very loud obnoxious white lady style racism. We spent a week vacationing with family up north, with all the emotional weight,…

  • We Met for the First Time Six Years Ago Today

    You are six years old today, and right now you are a humid little lump sleeping next to me in Mama’s bed. “Mama Time” you call it.  It’s been six years, but I still don’t know exactly what I’m doing. Each time I get confident, each time I get the routine down, you go and…