girl at large

I like to write about life when you have a job, some kids, a fixer upper and a fatal disease.

  • 68C86337-5586-4D45-A4E9-30845EF54E18

    Easter is a bit different this year. No big beautiful family meal at Aunt Lisa’s, no dressing up fancy and no Easter egg hunt at the park. Instead only six eggs to color, scrounging up strange kitchen drawer candy, raiding the present closet for a basket filler.

    This is week four of the quarantine, week four of the emotional roller coaster, first full week of homeschooling, second week where I have no sales team left to work with, fourth week of no customers, fourth week of no answers. 

    What will the kids remember? The tears and arguments? The short tempered parents? Being separated from friends and grandparents?

    Probably not. They are ages three and seven. They will remember the year the Easter Bunny brought legos instead of marshmallow eggs. (It’s a dangerous precedent really.)

    I remember in tough times, not the trouble itself so much as the comfort my mom employed. Sometimes it was for her comfort, like her favorite food (creamed eggs on toast), sometimes for our comfort like holding my head in a certain squeeze, or reading at the end of her bed.

    I don’t need the iron this morning, or a fresh pair of tights, or a pan of food to bring, or to rush out the door hollering to “get in the car or else!”.

    But I sure do need some hope.

    Some hope to help me take these six eggs and, like the lemon to lemonade adage, make something of them. Maybe egg salad. 

    But not creamed eggs on toast. Because it’s gross.

  • 263753C2-0716-4EA6-9456-FFEA88A342A1

    I’ll always question why I asssumed it was safe to have the kids at Grandmas house the first week and half. Once I developed a cold (only one day of low fever, no other covid symptoms), it came crashing down on me just how selfish and risky that was. I hope that lesson wasn’t learned too late.

    Now that they are at home with us all day every day, I’m learning first-hand how amazing Grandma time was —activities, schedule, lessons schoolwork. And the snacks! Oh the snacks. I’m finding out just how impossible is it to Work From Home and Parent At Home and Also Be A Teacher. It is impossible.

    You know those work-from-home memes about discovering the “work personality” of your spouse? Paulie is about exactly what I expected, though slightly more organized. In contrast, during their first classroom video meeting, I was surprised to find out my kid, my very quiet kid, is the bold over-sharer! Good to know.

    And one final lesson during this pandemic—the entire first two weeks I thought “WFH” stood for What Fucking Hell, not Work From Home.

    I like my version better.

  • 7C22E093-A17C-41CF-9947-BD177CED684E

    This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. We say that and then something worse happens. I began this blog because of 9/11. 

    This is worse. Worse personally because I have more to lose. Professionally because I have more responsibility. Emotionally because I also lost a friend to fucking murder last week. And for the world, because it involves the entire world. (Though the fallout of the wars after 9/11 would also qualify but who’s keeping track).

    In trying to make sense of what we are facing with this virus, I’ve been overwhelmed by the scientific information, underwhelmed by the government response, and feel generally confused.

    The post copied below really helped me today.

    I was finally successful in quitting smoking years ago because I heard a radio snippet beautifully describing what is actually happening to your lungs during morning cough. The lungs sweepers are waking up and sweeping out the junk like seaweed in the waves and when you take that first delicious morning smoke, that puts them to sleep and they wilt and stop working and that is why the cough subsides.

    This firebreak analogy speaks to me in the same powerful way:

    ——————————-

     

    Hi Friends:  It has been a week since my last post.  If you understood it, you realize that the increasing numbers of people with Covid 19 in the US are what we would have expected.  We have had an escalation of interventions as a reaction to the numbers which might give us pause to think we are worse off.  This is not true.  If you shoot an arrow, it takes time to hit the target.  If you intervene in a pandemic, it takes 4 weeks to know if the intervention was successful. On March 9th, the cover of the New Yorker showed our president with a mask over his eyes. Since then, the arrows have been launched..  Let me provide an example of what is happening that I hope helps you understand our current situation.

     

    Imagine a huge forest.  Lightening hits a tree, a fire starts and begins to grow.  Smoke is seen but no sky jumpers are sent in because the lookout person is probably exaggerating. (This is the point at which we could have confined the virus).   The fire grows out in all directions getting larger and larger.   It becomes impossible to ignore and the decision is made to create a firebreak.  The firebreak needs to encircle the entire fire. Measures are taken and creation of the firebreak is underway.  (Increased testing, social distancing, and closing public places) The bosses know the fire is increasing, and nothing can be done to save the trees between the firebreak and the flames.  (The current numbers we are seeing).  Will their intervention hold?  As the fire comes closer, the bosses question whether it is big enough to hold back the umrelenting inferno.  They evacuate houses on the non-fire side (Telling people at high risk to stay home and call for extra help.)  The bosses recognize that when the fire hits the firebreak, sparks will fall all over the forest and they will need to be aggressive in trying to put them out.(Without testing, the sparks are landing and we do not know where to start stomping them out.)  If there are too many new fires started, the firebreak only slows things down but still allows time for more help to arrive in the form of more weapons (Testing, drugs(Remdesivir is going into a large study) and vaccines) or rain (Summertime and the realization that the vast majority of trees will withstand the fire, i.e. big Minnesota pines survive and then release pine cones only after heat! )

     

    Our fire, Covid 19, is a nasty bug that first emerged in an outdoor open marketplace in Wuhan, China in early December.  The person who contracted the virus unfortunately got on a subway in a metropolis of 11 million people. The virus was officially recognized when 41 people came down with pneumonia 27 of whom had been in this same market and 14 from other parts of the city.  On Jan 1, China informed the World Health Organization (WHO) and closed the market. CV 19 then spread from Wuhan to a cruise ship, to a megachurch in South Korea and to a mosque in Iran. The germ loves crowds and hitching rides on asymptomatic people. Italy went from 3 dead to 3000 in one month. 

     

    In three weeks or so, we should be able to see if our current actions, our firebreak (Social distancing and school closings etc.) have helped.   Nothing has happened this week in the U.S. that was unexpected with regard to the number of people infected. All of these infections are the result of our past inaction.

     

    So, what to do? Try to ignore the daily heat being generated in the media.  Limit your TV watching of news and social media because it is designed to increase anxiety. There is a lot of nonsense, too.  NPR is calm and does a nice summary.  (Yesterday’s newscast ended with a performance by Yo Yo Mah, the famed cellist.  ‘Songs of Comfort’ provides a way to use the arts as a positive resource in times of crisis). If you are restricted to a home quarantine, stay put along with anyone who lives with you. (My suggestion.)  Interestingly, we are in a phase where the absolute risk of an individual contracting Covid 19 in the next three weeks is low. (The fire is small compared to the forest).  The reason we have built a firewall is to eliminate the possibility of a person with Covid 19 from passing it on to others.  If restricted to home… learn from the cloistered nuns.  Set up a daily schedule of routines. For example,  I no longer have a swimming pool to go to, so I started Yoga. Joan is learning the Ukulele.  Bake bread.  The Washington Post reminds us that Isaac Newton had to leave the university in 1665 because of a plague.  He went to a farm to think.  It was during this time that he began his work in calculus, theories on gravity and light. Thinking and research at home may lead to something.  Have your uninfected neighbors help you by bringing supplies to your doorstep when they go out.  (Work out a neighborhood system).

     

    The average incubation period for Covid 19 is about six days, and the main symptoms last on average six days.  Then recovery. The average time to hospitalization from onset of symptoms is about six days and marked with shortness of breath and fever. If you have symptoms of “flu” at this stage in the epidemic, you probably do have the flu, and not Covid 19. It would be nice to have testing available to find out and we will soon.  The recognized cases will rise as we do more testing and stop missing mild cases.  the death rate is the number to watch regarding progress.  Four weeks from now, we will see if we have slowed this thing down. It will be brutal for awhile.   It is hard watching a maelstrom rushing toward you hoping the firebreak will hold. We live with anxiety or faith.  Personally, I do believe I hear planes coming with lots of fire retardants!

     

    If you want to imagine killing the nasty virus, imagine doing this experiment.  Fill a sink with water.  Pour some cooking oil over the water’s surface.  Then add one drop of liquid soap.  Instantly, the oil’s film will disappear.  Just like a virus membrane!  That is what soap does to this virus.  Wash your hands frequently and always for 20 seconds to get that soap in all the little crevices.   In the end, there is no doubt, Covid 19, the fire, will end, and we will move on. We will be funding NIH and CDC a lot more! I hope these thoughts provide additional context for whatever you are experiencing and help with your understanding.  (John Bachman Facebook 3/19/20)

  • 0BC8A481-FDB0-42C6-A2E5-431CAB295F02

    I honest to god was shocked when I found out intersex “correction” surgeries on newborn babies are still happening. I thought that doctors would use some other more modern scientific method to determine gender. Of course at the time I ignorantly assumed gender was always in some way physical (chromosomes?). I know better now.

    I learned that these surgeries were still happening during a casual discussion of all the various ways gender occurs naturally and how far we’ve progressed in understanding. Or so I thought.

    As my physician father said, “It’s not a medical problem, it’s a society problem”.

    Ok boomer, you’re right on this one. 🙂

    (I’m referencing this article:https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/10/us/intersex-surgeries-gothere/index.html)

     

     

     

  • B82CC9BC-FA2F-47E5-A137-9A72901B6C5B

    Today three-year-old Charlie grasped me from behind with both of his little stick arms, buried his face in my ass crack and said “Your butt is amaaaaaazing!”

    Happy Birthday me.

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    Thanksgiving at the Osthoff, 2019.

    This is the first weekend away that we forgot to pack the stroller…and turns out we don’t need it. Another parenting milestone. Paulie has also reached a new level…a new level of Dadness.

    We treated ourselves to a couples massage.

    Me: “This will be fun, we’ve never done a “couple” thing before!”

    Paulie: “Sure we have, we have a “couple” of kids!”

    ba dum bum

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    B466BA4A-9523-4BCA-B0DC-DBF02F3C3016 2525840F-B926-473E-A75B-57210782BF7A

    It was a year ago next week that we packed up and moved into the temporary ‘partment (as Charlie called it) across the street so that our entire first floor could be gutted and an actual kitchen installed. We crossed our fingers that we had chosen the contractor wisely, grateful we could finally take the leap and do it. 

    This year I am grateful daily for the comfort, the function, the new found CLEAN that is our now lovely home. It is a dream, a six years long wish, a vision come true.

    But can I get one more holiday wish?

    Recipes. Actual recipes. Not blogs, not editorials, not profiles, not photo essays. I don’t care how you FEEL about the turnips Bethany, I. just. want. the. recipe.

    Imagine if Aunt Fern had used fifteen index cards for the ambrosia.

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    This fall’s early snow delayed taking the best “After” shots, but I don’t hate the way it camouflaged the crummy roof. The house exterior looks amazing, but it’s 58 degrees and breezy inside. Next year, storm windows. The year after that, condo.

  • DCE969E4-04A4-41A7-BC11-A48C97701273
    Charlie is at my favorite age (so far). He wants to be a helper, his language is exploding, and he still wants to cuddle. He is also a smart ass.

    I’ve spent the last twenty minutes trying to understand what a “cat load” is and why the absence of one would cause so much distress and so many tears. Catalog. He wanted the catalog. 

    After that was resolved, and our Sunday morning was once again peaceful, I asked him to clean up his playroom:

    “No, Mama, I’m not available”.

  • IMG_5803

    A middle-aged dude just rolled up in his Mercedes, slowed down, pulled close to the curb, and TOSSED HIS GARBAGE BOTTLE IN MY COMPOST BIN. I am over 45, bra-less in a nightgown and slippers and I am enraged. All I need is curlers and you can see the picture. I ran out to the street. If I'd been faster and if it wasn't so early in the morning, I would have thrown it back at his sedan and yelled. This is what home ownership does to a person.
     
    My favorite part of these incidents is that SHOREWOOD IS REALLY SMALL. Dude, I know your car. Dude, I know YOU.
     
    I'm currently taking suggestions for the note I'll leave when I return the bottle to the hood of his car. Nice detail: the bottle is full of HIS SUNFLOWER SEED SHELLS.
     
    Also, currently taking suggestions on paint colors for the house trim. Home ownership has many curses.