Category: Cancer
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Marking time can be a delicate and dangerous thing for me; as another season passes and annual events return, my emotions range from contentment to despair. Felix once asked me, at about the age of five, the meaning of “bittersweet”. After I explained it, he said “Oh, I know that feeling.” And I know that he…
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Earlier this week a colleague said they would soon be turning forty. I said congratulations, oh your forties are going to be great! He shook his head and raised his eyebrows, incredulous…what? I always knew I’d enjoy being any age but 20. I recall my thirties being the decade of anger, but a good motivating…
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As school starts and summer ends, the weather shifts, and annual transitions begin again, I’m experiencing intense emotions about my diagnosis and treatment. Previously, I didn’t understand the anniversary trauma that others felt about deaths, divorce or other losses. It confused me—surely you feel grief at any and all times of year? Why is an…
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The Mozzarella (a solid packed in water) The Club Sandwich (layers of constipation and diarrhea) The Scooter (sometimes also called the Squeezer) The Pressure Washer The Hot Pressure Washer The Fluffy The Green Monster. (You ate nothing green, you drank nothing green, it’s just green for no reason) The…
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People, including friends and family, will become afraid of you. Afraid of the mortality you represent, afraid of what to say, afraid to acknowledge your tragedy. Other people, sometimes surprising ones, will step forward into the uncomfortable space and be there for you. Paper gowns fit no one. There’s a secret code…
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Last spring, as we settled into a work-from-home, school-from-home, freak out-from-home routine, I often felt helpless. Helpless to stop the pandemic, helpless to keep my job afloat, helpless to keep my parents and in-laws safe…I knew how to hunker down; the 24 hour domestic family maintenance wasn’t hard. It was a lot like maternity leave,…
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“I’ll need you to be masked” “That’s ok you can wear a mask” “I know, but I also need you to wear a mask” “You need ME to wear a mask?” ”Yes”. ”We can talk about that back in my office” “I’m not meeting with anyone who's not masked, just like my email explained. I’m…
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I was showing Mom today how my range of motion has been affected by radiation. Lifted my left arm well over my head, stretched it to touch my right ear, all good. Lifted my crooked right arm and it barely went above my shoulder… Mom: “You have to do something about that!” Yes, thanks mom.…
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This is Nibbles. He was lost yesterday, sometime between daycare and Nonna’s house, somewhere between backpacks and car seats and playrooms. I found him late at night, just in time to take bedtime from tears to tucks. And that’s about the only thing I managed to feel good about this week. I’m feeling defeated. I’m…
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I was out at a customer visit this week, the first time in a long time. It’s still awkward, I’m rusty at my in person communication, especially with new clients. Of course some new clients are also rusty with their manners, but that’s another story. But my selling muscles will return, and now that demand…
girl at large 